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Nice question!!!
- What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
- Any dog, buildings don't jump!
... Car accident
There’s a guy from Ireland driving through Europe and an English guy driving in the opposite direction. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head-on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Irish fella manages to climb out of his car and survey the damages. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Jesus, I am really lucky to be alive!” Likewise, the Englishman scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too... Funny counting!
- How do you count cows?
- With a cowculator!
...
Cat and the saucer
In front of a delicatessen, an art collector noticed a dirty little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.
He walked into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. “It’s not for sale,” said the proprietor.
“Look,” said the collector, “that cat is dirty and ugly, but I’m eccentric. I like cats that way. I’ll raise my offer to ten dollars.”
“It’s a deal,” said the proprietor and pocketed the ten on the... A math joke
Teacher: What is 2 and 2?..
Jack: 4.
Teacher: That's good.
Jack: Good?!! That is perfect!
... St. Patrick
An Irishman is sitting in a pub one night when three Englishmen walk in. The men sit down and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a nut." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, let me try that." So he goes over to... Poor goldfish
Mother: Mary, have you changed the water in the fishbowl?
Mary: No, mummy. The goldfish has not drunk this water yet.
... Chocolate in the darkness
Mother: I left two chocolate bars in the cupboard this morning, Tommy. Now I can see only one. How can this be?
Tommy: Mummy, it was so dark that I just didn't see the other chocolate bar.
... Kissing in the dark
There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages, and it went completely dark. Then there was the kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Englishman had his hand against his face... At the lesson
Nick: Will you punish a boy for something that he didn't do?
Teacher: You know, Nick, I never punish children for something like this. And why do you ask? Nick: I didn't do my homework
... The perfect girl, just like my mom!!!
Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already got married, and Jimmy just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear mother?"... At the restaurant
Man: Miss, I see a fly in my soup on the bottom of my plate. What does that mean?
Waitress: I don't know. I'm a waitress, not a fortuneteller
... Late for school
Teacher: Why are you late, Jimmy?
Jim: It was late when I started from home.
Teacher: So why didn't you start earlier? Jim: It was too late to start early, madam
... Why???
Bob: Why is your dog watching me so attentively while I am eating?
Sam: I don't know. Maybe it's because you are eating out of its plate
... 4 letter words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said. "Calm down! Tell me, what... Where is milk?
Teacher: Jack, can you tell me what five things contain milk in them?
Jack: Of course! This is butter, cheese and three cows
... For fifty pence
An Irishman, upon finishing his business in the toilet, was pulling up his pants when a 50 pence piece slipped from his pocket, bounced once on the lid, and fell into the hole. Peering into the hole, the Irishman told to himself, "For 50 pence? No." Upon which, he took another 50 pence piece from his pocket, let it fall into the hole to join the first, and added, "But for a pound..."
... Strange ants
Little Mary: Oh, these ants are so strange: they work and work, and work all the time! They don't have rest!
Little Jack: Really? Every time when I go on a picnic these ants are always there.
... 
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